By Beth Winze
I went to sleep eighteen, and awoke this morning – unfortunately early – as a nineteen year old. I do not feel any different, I do not look any different ( ok — maybe a bit of bloodshot eyes from exhaustion), and I do not act any different. So am I really nineteen? By numerical, calendar theories I am, but my heart, mind and body – nah…..just another day in the physical world.
Your going to have to excuse my pondering in this post…..I was feeling logical this morning — I blame college.
I looked in the mirror – the square frame-less piece of reflective glass hanging on the off-white cinderblock that is a wall. Still the same blue-eyed, round-faced, Me gazing back. Nothing had changed. My sisters voice chirped through me on the other line, “Do you feel any different, like older or anything?” she said, obviously joking. The thing is I did not feel any older than I did yesterday, so what is it about birthdays that makes us realize how far we have come and how old we really are?
Sitting in General Psychology this morning, it hit me. The reason we don’t feel any different on our birthdays, is because we don’t reflect on how far we’ve come from the previous year. So this afternoon, I am taking an hour of my time to reflect on how I’ve changed from the transition of eighteen to nineteen. I love my lists, so bear with me on this one….
1. I have learned that just because I am legally an adult does not mean I should exercise everything I could do. Responsibility comes with great privileges.
2. Finding passions are necessary for completely happiness in life — this blog site is the product of my passions.
3. Being courageous gives you an entirely different view on life.
4. I am the only me in this world — that’s all that I never need to be — me.
5. Digging to the bottom and finding truth for yourself is crucial.
6. While jobs are important for
fun spending college bills your own friendships are what is going to pull you through.
7. Family sticks better than glue….through everything and anything.
8. Grief is a beautiful part of life…..struggling through grief allows friends to reveal themselves in people you never thought would be friends.
9. Confidence does equal self-esteem.
10. College is the right thing for me. As much as I fought it nine months ago, this is what my heart has needed.
The hour it has taken me to meditate and look back on the past year of my life does make me feel older. It’s not just another number to tally off how long I’ve been here, it’s a growth, it’s a life-style, it’s heart change, and it’s maturity.
Hello nineteen year old me! It’s a new year 😀
But my goofy personality still seems to shine through…..do I look nineteen?